Summary of Revising the Revision

By adhering to grammatical rules, people are able to produce clear, concise, and coherent writing. Without the use of these grammatical rules, writing can become confusing. Upon editing a recent essay of mine, I begun to see how this applies to my own writing. As I applied the rules to my writing, the essay became clear, concise, and more coherent.

The book Style Toward Clarity and Grace by Joseph Williams (1990) serves as a standard for writing style. Williams points out that clarity is lost when the reader has to work too hard to identify what is going on in the writing.

For example, a sentence contains both a subject and a verb. In order for the reader to comprehend the meaning of the writing they must be able to identify both the subject and the verb. While I did implement the basic use of nouns and verbs, my sentences were terribly cluttered with prepositions and the subject and verbs became difficult to identify.

Example:

Creating my own writing technology followed this model of starting off with initial surface assumptions that led to a more substantial understanding of theories and practices that can then be applied in an array of real world settings.

The 6 prepositional phrases in the previous example were intended to provide additional information. However, in this case the string of prepositional phrases confuses the reader with an over load of information. The added details hindered the overall coherence of the sentence. The multiple use of verbs, as nouns or action, within the phrases makes it more difficult to understand.

The purpose of the statement was supposed to identify what happened to me as a result of the project. It is not necessary for the audience to know about my initial assumptions in order to for them to learn about the connections I was able to make.

Revision:

Choosing material, selecting the words, and the process of using my invention, helped me develop a new understanding and appreciation for the meaning and purpose of writing.

When I realized that I have a tendency to use too many prepositional phrases, I took a highlighter and marked all of the prepositions in my essay. All together I counted 68 occurrences of the word “of” and 78 occurrences of the word “to”. Some of the uses were used properly and provided additional information that was necessary for the reader, while others were less concise and provided further possibility for confusion.

Typically the sentences that contained unnecessary phrases in my essay could be developed into a separate sentence.

Example:

I began to think of how I could physically construct a text without using any modern conveniences, especially my personal computer.

Revision:

We were to invent a technology project without using modern conveniences such as paper, pencils, and pens. Our invention also required that we could not use any electronic devices.

A major step of my revision was deleting a large portion of my writing that was irrelevant. Some of the sentences needed to be reworded so that the main point was clear. The following example contains relevant information but over use of eloquence takes away from the main idea.

Example:

Finding the materials was simple enough; I used resources found in nature. The acquisition of black cherry juice, birch bark, a feather, and a rock was assisted by the plentiful environment of Grand Traverse County. Fresh in season, the cherries were dark and ripe. The birch bark was found in abundance upon the forest floor. Feathers actually floated towards me, propelled by a breeze along the shore line. The material came together seamlessly. Even the rock I plucked out of my cottage’s garden was easy enough to acquire.

By using taking out unnecessary words and sentences from the example, I was able to edit one paragraph into a single sentence.

Revision:

The orchards and forests in Grand Traverse County provided me with a wide selection of natural resources, Black cherries, birch bark, feathers, and rocks

Williams describes meaningless modifiers as “unconscious ticks that we use almost as unconsciously as we clear our throats.” My writing contained many such modifiers as well. Removing the meaningless modifier provides an active voice to the writing. The active voice emphasizes the action and provides additional clarity to the writing.

Example:

I have personally used to communicate…

Revision:

I have used to communicate…

Looking at my writing and asking “what’s the point” helped me to see the writing as a reader might. Expanding ideas in some areas and removing needless ideas reduced the possibility for the reader to understand my essay. Although I applied more of Williams’s rules during my editing than what is stated in this summary, the specific rules outlined made the biggest impact on my writing. Practicing these rules during future writing projects will ensure clarity, concision, and coherence.